i dreamed about him last night, i don’t want to get into full detail but he was yelling at me. yelling that the reason he didn’t want to be with me is because he doesn’t want people to see us together in public, i was never what he imagined a girlfriend to be, i never was or will be like her. then in the dream he got a text from her and smiled and i just told him whatever im done and went to leave and he goes ‘wow, way to be adult about it’ and then i woke up. im trying so goddamn hard to be adult about it. i finally told him how i felt and his response still haunts me. “and what do you want me to do about it? honestly. you keep saying you put effort into it and i should of seen it, why didnt you see i didnt want a relationship. I just wanted to be friends” well fuck me then, because why didn’t YOU see that i LOVED you. everyone fucking new, but you. and i made it obvious enough without shoving a huge sign in your stupid face.
all i want is to shut off my feelings, go back to when we were just friends, nothing more. but if you texted me right now, and told me that you loved me, id come crawling right back. as sick as that is, its true. but i know that isn’t going to happen, and time will heal all wounds. i want to be cold hearted. i want to forget everything we did, everything i said, everything i thought we shared